They say a rolling stone gathers no moss. We’ll let me tell you, three people sitting in a Mustang for more than eight days gather plenty of moss, and other things too. To say that the odor emanating from the new 2009 Ford Mustang is foul, is like saying Megan Fox is easy on the eyes, or that Michael Jackson was a little weird. It just doesn’t cover the dramatic scope of the all-out stench that billows from inside this finely-tuned stink machine.
Monthly Archives: June 2009
Challenges, or adversity, come in all shapes and forms. Most recently I saw it come in a small aluminum can. Of course, by now you’re probably wondering what in the world I’m talking about. We’ll let me bring you up to speed with why my pal silent John who lives in a car in South Philadelphia is my new hero.
Just yesterday a team from American Muscle returned to the site of our Live in It to Win It contest to win a brand-new 2009 Ford Mustang. That’s right, win a Mustang people. As in FREE!
Having made friends with our four willing contestants, we opted to bring them a few items they had requested upon our first meeting when the competition kicked off Monday morning live on the Danny Bonaduce Show on 94WYSP Philadelphia.
Our gift basket consisted of a few items our new friends had requested, plus a few surprises. Soon after our arrival we learned that while all four contestants remain, the climate had changed from new and exciting to, well, a bit more foul. Actually, foul doesn’t cut it. The smell pouring out of this car could gag innocent bystanders more than a mile away.
One by one handing out edible gifts, Silent John was suddenly filled with life as the sight of an ice cold energy drink—before you’d a had to check him for a pulse. John’s lust for the caffeine-infused beverage was clear on his face and in his voice. At our suggestion, John tipped the can upward, pouring every last drop of canned-adrenaline into his willing mouth. Our team was both impressed and scared given the potential consequences for such an act.
Following a few standard questions and some genuine well wishes, our team returned to the office to develop the next great sale for you, our loyal patrons.
Shortly after our departure, we learned that while our friend John was eager to down our energy drink, his stomach was not. Doubled over and holding back the blow, our man John fought tirelessly as the clock wound down to the regularly scheduled break where the contestants would be allowed out of the car for just 15 minutes. Holding on to his dignity, and his lunch, John knew that spewing warm energy drink across the dash was an automatic disqualification from the contest he was so determined to win. Still the clock counted down. Twenty minutes, 10, five minutes to go. Green as could be, John held off the barf-monster until the break bell rang and he lunged from the car only to release the complete contents of his stomach across the drive and much of the parking lot.
At American Muscle, we can only say: Well done Not-so-silent John. You came to play. You have our applause and our respect. And you can have another case of that energy drink anytime you like. We even deliver, as long as you live in a new Ford Mustang in front of Tony Luke’s.
No matter where and when your 15 minutes of fame happens, I can guarantee it’ll be over before you know it. The glitz and glamor move away to something new and shiny leaving you standing there with a stuffed beaver, two midgets and a basket full of muffins. Wait… that’s just me. But it’s funny how things change dramatically when the spotlight goes dim.
For our four friends in South Philly, the media circus that launched their departure on this great and scary journey just yesterday has subsided as fans and friends retreat to watch and wait to see who will completely snap first on their way to win a brand new 2009 Mustang. Having seen the following video on our four contestants, in addition to live video feed on 94WYSP Philadelphia’s website, it seems that all of our friends confined in the 2-door muscle car are holding steady, and have plenty of time read, if only they were allowed books. That’s where swashbuckling imaginary friends like my pal Federico Monte Christo Esperanza III are handy. Take it from me; you’re never alone when Fred’s around to have an imaginary sword fight.
Here’s the latest from the AmericanMuscle.com Mustang Give Away…
It’s 6am in South Philly and the AmericanMuscle crew is standing in front of cheese steak czar Tony Luke’s to give away a brand-new 2009 Ford Mustang in one twisted contest. Oh, yeah, and shock-jock Danny Bonaduce is there, too broadcasting live.
Question: What do a brand-new 2009 Mustang, a Philly Cheese Steak, and Danny Bonaduce have in common?
Answer: AmericanMuscle.com. Duh!
Sometimes I find myself in the most peculiar situations. I’m not talking about waking up on a beach in Mexico hugging a nine-foot inflatable rabbit or anything, but peculiar nonetheless. This morning at 6am I was standing curbside in front of famed Philly Cheese Steak factory Tony Luke’s in South Philadelphia with child-star-turned-DJ Danny Bonaduce, four average-Joes and a brand-new 2009 Ford Mustang. Inflatable rabbit aside, this was a pretty strange experience for me. But then, when it comes to AmericanMuscle.com contests, you never know what to expect.
Backing up a bit, the reason I was standing on a curb in Philly at 6am with a notorious shock-jock was the AmericanMuscle.com Live in It to Win It contest. Okay, so the premise is simple: There can only be one! Highlander fans already know this. But for the rest of us, the concept is, well, still simple. Four people climb into a new Ford Mustang. He who stays in the car the longest, takes the keys, and the car. And because AmericanMuscle does nothing half…well, halfway, we recruited 94WYSP Philadelphia radio and cheese steak czar Tony Luke to complete the package.
Personally speaking: I’m not a morning person, mostly because mornings suck. Getting up a 4am to stand on a street corner is about as fun to me as being stuck in a phone booth in downtown Dayton, Ohio with Joan Rivers and 250 rabid woodchucks. But if you dangle a pair of keys to a brand new Mustang in front of me, you’ll see me hook up an I.V. blend of black coffee and Red Bull. Today I met John, Airen, Michele and Joshua, four aspiring Mustang owners who are living the dream. Each one of them fought their way through the rigorous video screening process to secure their shot at what could be the grandest prize of them all. Sure they all may be in need of a serious psychiatric evaluation, but I can’t say that, were I eligible, I wouldn’t do the same. I mean, come on people, a new Ford Mustang for just sitting in a car for a couple weeks. That’s like getting paid $25k for spending two weeks converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Count me in. Even I can do that. Now enter three strangers, limited restroom breaks, live radio coverage and a busy city street corner in the place that took New York sarcasm and turned it into an art. Now that’s a contest.
And then there’s Bonaduce, who is worthy of his own study in abnormal social behavior. I’ve met many people from all over this country in my years, and Danny Bonaduce has got to be one of the most dynamic, in-your-face, scary, charismatic, obnoxious, fascinating, and generally intriguing personalities I’ve come across. Taking time out from his morning radio show, Danny wasted no time before throwing on an AmericanMuscle Tee and sharing his opinion on the greatest Mustang ever built, and who he’d bring with him should he be trapped in a car with three strangers for an extended period of time. Check out the video to see if you agree. You’ll hear no arguments from me.
As for our four trapped Mustang fans, look for more videos over the next couple weeks on http://blog.americanmuscle.com/ as our candidates shed their smiling virgin faces and common human courtesy and replace them with severe sleep deprivation and poor personal hygiene. I’m putting my money on at least three suffering from a complete and total lack of self respect and any shred of tolerance for their three intimate roommates. Oh yeah, it’s gonna get good!